How to talk to kids about bullying, with help from a picture book

Friendships fill a big part of a young child’s day, and when those friendships wobble, kids feel it. In a recent Grow Therapy survey of US parents, shared by Stacker, trouble with peers and friends was the most-cited source of stress parents saw in their kids, and 37% named bullying or being left out. If you’ve been wondering how to talk to kids about bullying, especially kids in kindergarten through third grade, the good news is that the conversation can start somewhere gentle: a story you read together.

Why a picture book makes the conversation easier

Asking a six-year-old “Is anyone being mean to you?” can feel like a spotlight. Many kids freeze, shrug or say “fine.” A story gives everyone a little distance. When the teasing is happening to a character, a child can say what they think about it without having to talk about themselves first. They can point at a page, guess how someone feels, or wonder out loud what they would do.

That distance is useful for grown-ups too. You get to hear how your child understands words like teasing, left out and friend, and you can follow their lead into their own experiences when they’re ready. StopBullying.gov suggests keeping these talks casual and frequent, and bringing the topic up in a general way so it doesn’t feel like an accusation. A read-aloud does exactly that.

How to talk to kids about bullying: simple openers that work

You don’t need a script, just a few open questions and a lot of listening. Try these during bedtime reading, a car ride or dinner:

• “What was the best part of your day? What was the hardest part?”

• “Have you ever seen someone get left out? What happened?”

• “How do you think that character felt? Have you ever felt that way?”

• “What could a friend do to help in that moment?”

• “Is there anything you’d like me to do?” (This one matters if your child shares something that happened.)

A few listening habits make these questions land better. Stay calm, even if what you hear worries you. Thank your child for telling you. Reflect back what you heard (“It sounds like that really hurt your feelings”) before jumping to fixes. And if your child isn’t ready to talk, let it go for now and try again another day. Lots of small check-ins build more trust than one big talk.

Helping kids name their trusted adults

Kids often aren’t sure who to go to when something goes wrong. A UN survey of more than 30,000 children found that half didn’t know how to get the right support. You can make that easier long before anything happens.

Sit down together and make a short list of the grown-ups your child could tell: you, another family member, a teacher, a coach, the school counselor, a friend’s parent. Talk through what telling might sound like (“Something happened at recess and I need help”). Remind your child that telling a grown-up about unkind behavior is a brave, helpful thing to do. If a situation ever feels bigger than you can handle at home, your child’s teacher or school counselor is a good next step.

Talking points from the band in Solo’s Song

In Solo’s Song, Solo is a small, hopeful trumpet who travels to the Big Music Hall to join a band. Not everyone makes him feel welcome, and the cast offers lots of natural conversation starters for families and classrooms.

Snare, Bow and Toot. Snare leads a little clique that teases Solo. Bow follows along with sass, and Toot with sarcasm. They’re three different flavors of unkindness, which is a helpful way to show kids that hurtful behavior doesn’t always look the same. Ask: “Which of these felt the most unkind to you? Why do you think Bow and Toot went along with Snare?”

Ivory. Ivory, a purple grand piano, is Solo’s friend and his one true ally in the band. Ivory is a great model for what kids can do when they see someone left out: notice, stay close, say something kind. Ask: “What did Ivory do that helped? What could you do if you saw a classmate being teased?”

“Her friendship helped drown out Snare’s mean ugly beat.” From Solo’s Song

Big Brass and Mr. Conductor. Big Brass, a famous trombone, meets Solo in a vulnerable moment backstage and shows him exactly the kind of care a mentor can offer. Mr. Conductor, the band leader, only steps in lightly. These two give you a way to talk about what grown-ups can do. Ask: “Who are the Big Brasses in your life? What do you wish grown-ups would notice?”

Solo. Solo doubts himself backstage, and that’s worth pausing on. Kids who have been teased often carry those words with them. Ask: “What helped Solo feel brave again? What helps you feel brave?”

Every voice belongs

Talking with kids about bullying works best as a habit: noticing, listening and reminding them they matter, again and again. Stories help because they give children words for big feelings and a picture of what kindness and courage look like in action. Solo learns that his voice belongs in the band, and every child deserves to hear the same about theirs.

If you’re looking for a read-aloud to start these conversations at home or in the classroom, Solo’s Song is a picture book in verse for ages 5 to 9, written by Michael Kelly and illustrated by Ashley Casalino. You can find it at spiltbeansbooks.com.